04 V 2003 - 22:55 - trivialis60

I'm a fool.

No doubt those of you who read this regularly knew that already, and I've also been aware of it for quite some time. But, you know, sometimes I wish this particular trait didn't rear its head quite so... determinedly all the time. There are a few things I wish I'd done...

but, well. I can't help but think that a declaration of interest makes a friendship rather awkward. That may be, of course, a self-fulfilling prophecy, in which case this still ends up being mostly my fault, however it turns out. Unless the friendship becomes as it was before, and pigs start flying, and the good get their rewards on earth immediately, on a sort of celestial ad-hoc basis.

I think I am perhaps in an odd state right now. I'm glad, though, of the talent I've been told I have for managing to shut down just long enough to write a reply. Then again, I've also been told my expression and words will without fail give up how I truly feel, so I'm not entirely sure what to believe of myself. What seems certain is that I do have a talent for gathering courage for completely pointless displays. Ah, well. Nothing new here --

I am being confused and fragmented, and likely should stop soon. But to sum up: I need to learn about boundaries, I need to think about actually checking with people (in subtle ways) before asking them certain questions, and I really, really need to get over this shame thing, because as long as I'm laboring under that particular burden I'm not ever going to get anything done organically.

Thank you. We now return you to our normal programming.

(I hit 350 entries without even realizing it and am creeping up on my two-year Diaryland anniversary. Only a dork would mark such an event, but then again, we all knew I was a little that way a long time ago, and besides, isn't every day I get the urge to Do Something. Any suggestions?)