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29 VIII 2003 - 22:30 - trivialis63

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Everything's the same, really. Under the stress of figuring out what I'm going to do this semester, and being vaguely annoyed that I am officially conceived of as having taken a reduction in courseload this semester, despite my replacement of the missing fifth core class with not one but two independent studies -- well, in light of all that, everything I had hammered into place over the summer fell off me and I've returned to feeling like a complete stranger in my own school. Newfound ease as a senior? Didn't stand a chance of making it past the first hour back. As it stands it's my friends making up the difference, because things are easy with them, because all of us are at least a little bit frustrated by our current position...

well, friends, and also the nooks in libraries where nobody goes, because what could be better done while one is avoiding work than curling up with a stack of books that don't have anything to do with what one is studying? There is no better use of time.

In addition, the P.E. coach may think that having a huge badminton class during sixth period is a good thing, and I guess it's better than having to sit alone in the weight room and try to balance a book on the StairMaster for credit. On the other hand, it does give her ample opportunity to point out to the many freshmen that although I'm a senior, I'm still pretty darn bad at getting the birdie to go where I want it to, and that the juniors and sophomores who are on the badminton team do better (no, really!?). True, and I have no problems admitting it myself, but her saying it could begin to be wearying shortly.

Also, I alternate worryingly between 'No problem, everything's under control' and 'Dear God how am I going to get everything done?' as far as the year between here and November are concerned. But that at least is normal, I think.

A little more about the return, and settling in, perhaps, to follow -- it's most on my mind these days. Small things to follow -- my sister's birthday on Sunday, first meeting for an independent study in reading Greek, and a growing suspicion that I may not make the horrible boyfriend I've long been convinced I will. But the jury's still out on the last one, considering the lack of any real evidence --

So maybe not everything's the same. And maybe that was to be expected, too.

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