2001-05-24 - 11:47 p.m. - quotidianus3

There's actually not all that much for me to say today. It was the last day of classes for me- so I have finals next week and then I'm out. Free. Of course, I begin rehearsals for tour soon after that- but I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. Ah, cliche...

Spring concert at my school was today. This was my last jazz performance, most likely for a good while to come as well. I had a solo, but it didn't go too well- mostly because the person who counted us off started before I was quite ready, so I was scrambling to get ready. Then midway through my solo, sweat got in my eye. It hurt like heck... I'm not used to it, usually my glasses catch it (which is gross but manageable). So. Ick. But other people seemed to like it. My friends did very well in the orchestra segment - I'll be joining them next year. It should be... an experience.

La. Friend from Las Vegas coming over to audition for my youth orchestra. Good luck N., and I have some duets for you. The Handel-Halvorsen and Gliere are sort of hard but I'd like to try them... then we can get to the easier ones.

Nobody reads this. Contradict me, please, and get something to me via guestbook or email (yes I am a shameless whore and want contact...)

I see no contradiction down there. Yes, I am an introvert. Yes, I can be incredibly gregarious. It depends on whether I know you and how large the crowd is. Ick... large crowds...

In other news, the Internet is down at my school and will be for something like 2-3 weeks. Good luck to all those people who have Internet-based final projects in lieu of finals... their teachers should understand, though.

My mood is sort of blah again... there's a guy. And he seems to be great. And if he reads this, he knows who he is - liebchen (ah ya, what have I done, is he - are you - reading this, what have I gotten into through Chloe?) And I am coming into this knowing that it is hopeless because he in turn has his eye on someone else and I am getting myself into it anyway because he seems wonderful and I don't know when where or how this will fucking end. I must put a stop to it. But I can't. And I'm not sure I want to, either. But who in his right mind would spend time on me? Why would he then? I fear I bore him. I fear I annoy him. Gaaaaah... I've no right - to hope or anything else. Hopeless cause. You've heard this before.

He makes me feel human.

There are many people who do that but the guy who does is rare. And he does it unconsciously... I think.

Well, I think that's it for the evening. Nothing of importance or distinction, just as is completely usual for the menu. Come again soon.

"I know that I have not in me as yet that triple purity, in spite of constant ceaseless striving for it. That is why the world's praise fails to move me, indeed it very often stings me." -M. Gandhi

"I have stood here before inside the pouring rain/With the world turning circles running 'round my brain/I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign/But it's my destiny to be the king of pain-" -the Police

glumJ (:>