08 XII 2001 - 22:41 - ego2

Subtitle: THE VERY, VERY SELF-CENTERED ENTRY

It occurs to me that although people now know what adambesme looks like, I, having neither a scanner nor a webcam, remain faceless.

This just won't do, and although you, dear reader, are probably on your knees right now, begging me not to go on because you'd really. rather. not. know, something in me which is perverse and arrogant both has decided that I shall press on, and that this shall serve as a sort of demented coda to my other entry, ego1.

And since I do not have a webcam, blah blah blah you read this all above, I will attempt to sketch myself in words.

Because isn't that really what I'm doing on this site after all? I pay so much attention to what I think, what I feel; isn't it time I paid some attention to creating how I look?

Except, no, don't answer that, because I don't want to hear the answer.

So. Take yourself:

And you've come upon me, most probably in one of the following situations:

1) jumping (for someone who scores as low as I do on the fitness tests the school makes me take as punishment for not playing on a team or having time to do after-school classes, I'd say that I'm pretty damn limber. And springy.)

2) brooding (with an optional shade to my eyebrows which means "I am so wishing I were wearing black right now because I look so much better in black.")

3) insulting or trading blows with Al

4) at my cello

4b) not at my cello, but seated at the very edge of the chair

5a) curled in the fetal position, knees drawn to chest

5b) curled in the fetal position, asleep

So now that you've got those scenarios down:

Construct a body, small frame, short - 5 feet 2 inches, or 1.57 meters. Give it muscles - not positive muscles, ones that have been developed from labor or weightlifting, but the ones you would expect - almost on a swimmer, not overdeveloped but just there for want of fat to obscure them. Give the skin a white-pink cast with yellow undertones; even in the pinkest of areas, though, there is still a yellow undertone.

Easy enough to guess I'm Asian; give the figure shortish black hair, thick and coarse and stiff enough to resist almost all attempts to put it out of place but also any attempts to style it - mid-forehead length, standing at a short distance out from the forehead but still following the curve of the forehead. Don't make all the hairs black; there are plenty of grey hairs, although some have said that they shine so to make them silver hairs instead.

Move to the face, not quite round but not quite as oval as many Caucasian faces are. I've never learned the language to describe a face, but minor things - acne hasn't hit me too badly. Yes, I have pimples (thank my father's side of the family), but only a few at any given time. They tend to assort themselves into reddish near-constellations; I almost had a Draco running along my jaw, and for a while I had the trunk of Orion on my forehead. Right now, I seem to be in a quiet period, though.

The most obvious things? My glasses; square frames, small lenses. I like them very much. They sit on a rather small nose with a very low bridge; my index finger fits comfortably in the space between the bridge of my nose and the little metal bar which connects the lenses of my glasses. Draw in rather this black eyebrows, although they have a tendency to look grey in the wrong light. People tell me I look foreign without my glasses, which makes sense, as I'm rarely seen without. I feel better without them on, though. World's a bit easier when you can't see it too clearly. Either way, my eyes are the same; single-fold eyelids, not as slanted as a lot of Chinese people's are - dark brown, similar to adambesme's - brown enough that you can't see the pupils unless you look for them. A rich earth color, why don't we call it.

And then move down, to the throat which is of medium length and is perhaps the tensest part of an already tense body. Two rings of cartilage are visible from the surface, the larynx obviously and the other one fainter,

The hands are perhaps the part I'm happiest with, because they have at least some claim to being skilled. Molly perhaps might be able to describe them better, but they are slender, more or less. The nails are tall and usually clipped very short, sometimes just up to the point where the fingers might start to bleed. There are unusual calluses; the one on my left thumb's side, the two pencil calluses I have on my third and fourth fingers, on the backs just above the first joint, the calluses on every fingertip where I shift. There are fewer calluses on my right hand; the one on the back of my third finger just above the first joint is a reminder that my left hand will occasionally get tired and I will have to switch writing hands to give the left one a rest. The lifeline on my left palm extends very far, curving so far that it seems to merge into a fourth line dividing wrist from hand. The hands themselves alternate between great heat and terrible cold.

Arms are nearly hairless, another trait given me by Chinese parents. These are lean cords of arms, and there is strength in them, although I will never win an arm-wrestling contest.

The rest of the body doesn't matter; in any position, it will seem small, fragile almost, and most likely be hidden by the clothes I wear. I have, according to some female friends, no hips, and an almost disgusting ability to walk (and, of course, jump) in heels.

Close your eyes, then, and listen to your creation - even if there are big blank spots - speak as a bass or perhaps a baritone, medium-low, mumbling in the background, Etna-like. Watch him turn away from you slowly, and give his motion some fluidity and some clumsiness both, as if limbs flowed like warm oil into corners and people and across themselves. Because you know the character of that image of yours, you've read it here daily, where I type as I talk.

Then, create a cat, and wonder which of the two is happier.

(Al, T., if you take exception to any of this or want to add - drop me a note somewhere? Anyone who's seen me is free to do that, by the way...)

[Got an explanation of the gay handwriting - cursive-y, pretty, more or less feminine... I don't know. I have, if you've ever seen it, a medium-small fluid print-cursive hybrid which at times seems more fluid (growing to a series of lines, waves, and the occasional dot) or more blocked (only the occasional ligature). I wonder....]