06 VII 2002 - 17:03 - quotidianus21

I'm in a considerably better mood than I'd been in for the past two entries. My youngest sister is home from medical school until Sunday, which is why I haven't been online all that much.

I find often that I want to change myself into a better person but have no real grasp of steps I might take to make this change a reality. I find often that I lapse into using the same positive buzzwords used by large corporations and private schools across the country. I have not, however, begun to speak of 'building community,' nor do I generally succumb to the trend of using nouns as verbs and verbs as nouns (although the ability to do so is one of the neat things I love about the English language; three cheers for deletion of inflections!)

So is the desire enough, ever? I've been told often that I change only because I'm lazy, which might be true. It's obviously easier for me to believe that it's not through laziness, but just because it's easier doesn't mean it's true. I remain a work in progress.

I'm not sure what this entry is about. I know that I started it because I wanted to get the last one off the entry page. The weather in San Francisco has been uncharacteristically sunny, if still just cool enough for me not to be too upset by the sun. The nice lady in the eyeglass-frame-store on west portal helped the man who was three miles away from the castro post office where he was heading to get there and then came in and said 'i like gay people. they're so funny' and i started. I'm not sure what I want to do with myself and I don't want the school year to begin. Recently I've begun to wonder what duty, if any, being a part of the Chinese diaspora carries with it. My mind is flipping between subjects at a million miles an hour and all I want is some peace...

someday i will learn to destroy the entries that come when i have nothing to say, no one to say it to, and not much more in my head than a bunch of tears.