08 XI 2002 - 19:37 - quotidianus24

I've been bad and so it's been less than a day since my last entry -- which I can blame by the way for the fact that I got something ridiculous like four hours of sleep last night. Evidently I have decided that every day is to be NARD (National Abrogation of Responsibility Day), a holiday closely related to but far more sinister than International Cavorting Day. It is, of course, anything but national, since the main celebrant seems to be me, and this whole 'day' concept needs to be re-evaluated, because as far as I am concerned, it might as well be NARM (M for month, natch).

Of course, this isn't true, because I remain a good Chinese child who plays by the rules and although I could probably have claimed "power outage!" which was certainly true for many due to the high winds and rain that the sky has seen (is seeing, will see) fit to dump on my state, I didn't. Also on the subject of the storms, the local airport was closed for two hours because of unsafe conditions, and a cargo building collapsed. All those darned hills acting as wind funnels again, I guess... but back to playing by the rules: I bend my own to fit the authority's and so I got four hours of sleep last night in order to do homework that I found out I didn't really have to do anyway.

On the plus side, I ended up with a really hilarious (because oddly phrased, not because wrong necessarily) translation of Catullus 45, which it turns out is our homework over the weekend (Oh...).

Over this past half-month my emotions have been jerking me around as if I were their marionette to play with. Perhaps I am; I haven't quite worked out an armistice with them and no one says any more that it's dishonorable to attack when the enemy's defenses are down, although it doesn't quite seem sporting. The more observant of you may object that if my emotions are my enemies, I've got bigger problems then any they could cause -- you're right, but I certainly don't think they've been treating me well enough to be even passing acquaintances. Sometimes I am the most foreign person to myself...

I feel vaguely guilty for taking offense at various things but I don't feel guilty enough to smooth everything over. For instance: I am trying to organize rehearsals with a piano trio I've worked with before. The pianist writes back and mysteriously has taken charge of everything, which I don't mind, except she begins her email to the rest of us with the salutation "Children:". Add to this a complaint about how we don't reply to email right away right away and I can't help but feel as if she's being more than slightly patronizing, even if we are still technically children (as the phrase 'not-yet-adults' is far too unwieldy for general use). Sometimes I feel like a child, particularly when I get irritated by things like this. Is there no way I can win?

A: there are more things than those that make me happy, I was just trying not to be heavily redundant (and yes, that's why 100 is marked "transitory," although I've yet to tell you other things... where have you gone? L: Don't forget Wales. We'll take a trip together to its darkest interior sometime. F: Omnia mihi lingua Graeca sunt. [Loose translation: "It's all Greek to me!"]

I walk into a room without my glasses for once and the outcry is, "What did you do with your face?" Somehow this does not inspire confidence...

Gutters, rain, and boys who are handsome of body and mind: there are things in this world to lift one's spirts with.