18 XI 2002 - 19:16 - centum5

I lost a entry much more long than bloody brilliant but that's not the infuriating bit. Real 300th entry. Leonid meteor shower tonight but the city lights drown it all, sad luck mine. I'm too tired and defeated to rewrite it all, so here's a summary of my day:

-Relatives come home from Taiwan bearing gifts and, more importantly, food.

-There is talking done to [iskender.] I go tongue-tied because a) his form is distracting, even under his shirt b) his eyes seem too without guile to be real. Don't give me the illusion that I'm looking into you, I don't think I can bear it. I spend the rest of the day tongue-tied and being asked repeatedly to clarify myself as I have begun to speak in riddles. Coincidence? I think not. Blood has left my brain and I am stuck on the thought that in a physical sense I will never be of a level with certain persons. Maybe depressing. Maybe not. Still, despite the distraction of, well, him, I am pleased to hear that he plans fully on coming to my orchestra's concert, even if I have difficulty saying [ophelia's] name as my lead-in and keep putting out variations on [iskender's] name instead.

-I have a scary conversation with the college person at my school about a possible opportunity (no jinxing this one, sorry) and also about books (also likes Borges and Eco). Speaking of Eco, I would like to finish this even more quickly because I would like to get around to reading the book of his I have from the library; speaking of Borges, a physics teacher has promised to return my Collected Fictions to me and give me also a Latin edition of a text on optics that there has been reference to through the course.

-A chiropractor seen about two months after a fender-bender tells me that I have a strained muscle in my neck and that I should stretch it. He smells of mint and is actually quite nice until he inflicts excruciating pain that goes up my neck like a particularly voracious flesheating creature. He also says my neck is quite flexible, at least in a left-right direction, but I have only his word for it.

-My chamber music group is being flaky. Again. It's the bloody story of my life and I'm sick of it. Not sick enough, however, to do anything that would involve spine.

-It looks as if I am stuck with pinyin when I want to talk to [jianadaren]. Pity, really.

-[Librarian] tells me she approves of my preliminary translation of 'ille mi par esse deo videtur' and also shares with me her plans to get a Elamite-motif ring for her beloved. I tell her it looks beautiful, because it does, and also begin to talk about how damn difficult it is to talk at times, especially when faced with a desire made flesh, and also about the difficulty of knowing and allowing what one really wants. She understands.

-I have begun to supply pencils to [the latinist] in addition to the various musicians present at orchestra. Speaking of him, [jean] the alternate-week volunteer coordinator at the place where i go also touches me and asks me what it's like to be soft-spoken. I think I confuse him with that, as he is anything but... sweet man, nevertheless.

-The [naidus] is bloody brilliant in class. In a more general sense, the chronology of today is throughly overturned in my head, but that may still be the effect of shock waves propogating from the Talk. Must clear head by tomorrow or else bad things shall follow, I fear.

Is that it? Yeah, I think that's it. What I had was a lot more developed and if you ask me it was better but you'll have to do with this from me now. Sometimes I hate accidents and sometimes I blame it on Diaryland but most of the time it's just me being computer-stupid and accidentally making the page refresh (and lose my entry, yay!) by hitting the center wheel of the mouse. Haven't yet figured out why on God's green Earth it should do that, though. Can't be bothered to use the brainpower to figure out -- I've got a poem to translate and essays to explore. Until later, then.

Appended about ten minutes later: I should say this, then, that no doubt my previous entry wasn't as good as my mind has made it out to be. We've all had that experience where the mind hazes out the ills and plays out the goods until what was lost was a hundred times better, and then occasionally what was lost is found again and it really isn't? Well, it's probably like that, and I wouldn't feel honest without saying that, not that I think that you couldn't have figured it out for yourselves at any rate. Whee... till a more coherent time, then.