2001-05-11 - 11:33 p.m. - sollicitudo3-ad_te1

There are things on my mind, and I've determined that I should share them. Well, some of them at least.

I've been exchanging emails with a friend who I see only on Saturdays. She's really nice - anyway, I don't remember what I had been talking to her about. It was actually probably something on this site. Anyway, it turns out she had been racking up the bad-day points even faster than I had, Which got me thinking about the nature of one's own pain, moodiness, etc. Er... I had a point. We'll get back to that one.

This was one of my more stressful days. I have lessons in writing Chinese after school on Fridays, and usually I pick up my cello from the music room and leave. This, however, is the week reserved for AP exams, which we were told would be in the auditorium and occasionally also in M-20. So far, so good. Except for the fact that today, there was an afternoon AP exam in music theory, and I wasn't allowed into the room.

I wouldn't have put my cello in that room had I been aware that there would be an exam in the room. Even assuming that I had put my cello into the room without knowing that there was an AP exam... had there been a sign on the door, I wouldn't have tried to go in. I respect that people need to take their tests in silence, or as close to it as they can get. Really, I do.

There are signs on the auditorium and, on occasion, on M-20 saying, "AP exams... shhh." These signs are up despite the fact that almost everyone in the school knows that exams are being taken in those rooms. Would it have been so hard to put up a sign on the music room? Better yet, why not write it on the whiteboard so that the musicians know to take their instruments out before the afternoon? I popped into the music room right before orchestra, which is third period. There was nothing on the board. My sixth period class was moved to a different classroom, which should have set off alarm bells, but in my state of chronic sleep deprivation, I didn't catch the message. All of which meant that I couldn't get my cello out on time. Which isn't a life-or-death matter, except that had I not been able for some reason to go back to school later to get it, I would have been without my cello and bow for the open rehearsal of my youth orchestra (where we invite seniors and youth groups to come and listen to our music free of charge) and the last rehearsal of my chamber music group before our concert next week.

I'm done complaining now. In fact, I've let it go for the most part. Whether a note could have been left will probably be in the back of my mind for a while, stewing there. Not only that, but I should probably apologize to the proctor of the test for walking in on them. I didn't mean to.

So here's the best part of the day: for about two weeks now, my second bow has been in the shop, getting a new thumbrest and screw. The shop is in Berkeley and it's a pain to get out there, but one of the people who works there (with whom our family happens to be quite close) sends his daughter to the place where I take Chinese lessons. So we arranged for pickup of the bow there.

In the rush to get from my Chinese school back to UHS to get my cello, I forgot the bow.

Arrgh. Now not only was I angry with myself for not having picked up on the fact that there was going to be an AP exam in the music room by astral projection, I was angry with myself for being forgetful and tired enough to leave my bow at the Chinese school. Then my mother complained that this meant we'd have to make an extra trip, which quickly morphed into an attack on my practice habits, my sleep habits, and my bow technique.

We caught my cello just before it left for Mill Valley (a friend of mine had agreed to take it back home with her in the event that I should be unable to return.)

Back to get the bow.

The rest of my day has been just delightful. In terms of Mother's Day... my mother doesn't like my paternal grandmother very much. My father, however, wants to spend some time with his mother. My mother wants my father to spend time with my maternal grandmother, not least because my mother isn't too sure about how to get to my maternal grandmother's house herself. Big, loud arguments ensue.

Every rant my mother makes about my paternal grandmother begins with, "Well, I don't want to poison you against her, but..." How do I avoid that?

And today, she says, "You know, I don't really mind if you go have dinner with your other grandmother because I forgot to call my mother today and tell her I was coming." All right. The second part may well be true. The first is almost certainly not. Sometimes I wish she would give me a little more credit so that she would tell more plausible half-truths.

Ugh. Did any of that make sense?

Next up. The Pittsburgh Penguins beat the Buffalo Sabres in the NHL playoffs, so they're in. I actually don't know anything about hockey, and the only reason I follow Pittsburgh is because of the team name (after all, you don't see ducks or cows or turtles in big-league team names, do you? I'm honor bound to follow the Penguins!). But that's something nice. Just to perpetuate a bit of a stereotype... I'm really bad as a militant homo, but I'm OK in some other areas (don't like sports, enjoy most of the performing arts...) so my membership in the IHC (International Homosexual Conspiracy) hasn't been revoked yet. I still get to vote on the Gay Agenda.

Last up, because I need to study for my test tomorrow. This'll be only a few lines, I promise, but...

You'll never read this, or if you do, enough time will have passed and I will not have you on my mind quite so much any more. Yes, you, of the "red" hair and the brilliantly cerulean blue eyes. That's something I don't understand in myself, what fascination the eyes and the hair hold for me. Perhaps, with eyes, it's that mine have been so deficient for so long that it seems a miracle when others have the clarity which I lack. Perhaps not. Some people look better with glasses. But to you... oh, what might be, if you would pay some attention... perhaps you would run. I don't blame you. But despite appearances, I do hold you in high regard...

I need to study now. Have a nice day, everyone.

J (:>