13 I 2002 - 19:58 - trivialis17

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All right, that was fun, but no one will be able to see that properly. Unless you have Chinese scripts up on your computer. Which I'm guessing most of you don't, because I haven't gotten any complaints about my site being in English yet.

I don't know enough Chinese to write an entire entry in the language, either. And the keyboard input is sort of time-consuming, too. In case you're curious now, I asked the question, "How are you?" So.

There's not much to note, except for that I had my rehearsal in Lafayette (good God, Lafayette - there is nothing there...) and we got it recorded, and we will probably be rejected. Sigh. So no radio program for J. Although I can't say I really care all that much about it. Just getting to know the people in the group better was sort of neat. The travel time did rather cut into my homework time, however, as does this. So I should stop this now and get to work, quickly.

Right! And money grows on trees. Especially when I have three taped episodes of Buffy to watch. Reruns, yes, but I don't think I've seen them before.

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I'm being lectured by my parents on how I don't take enough initiative, on how I'm not assertive enough. So maybe I'm a pushover. But if we were all natural leaders, there wouldn't be anyone to push over, would there? Now they're claiming that they're lecturing me because it will increase my desire to achieve and that it will increase my desire to excel in <insert subject here>. I'm rather skeptical about that.

I don't know. It's just that I have no desire to take the first part in a quartet all the time, and I didn't really need that last piece of pizza, and it's not that much trouble for me if my friend wants me to take the bus to her place rather than the other way around. Is it so wrong that I let other people have a go? I mean, my parents don't think that there's much wrong with the principle, either, it's just that they think I'm taking it too far.

Several of the people who read this know me. Do I take it too far?

Sometimes even I recognize that it's bad: group projects for school are usually good examples of that, because I often end up as the workhorse of the group. I don't know; I don't want to burn out early, but I don't particularly want other people to do the work I know I can do, either. I'm sort of possessive in a self-damaging way when it comes to that. Work, I mean. I find a kind of dignity and pride in being the pillar on which other people rest. Which is sort of sick and twisted if I think about it really hard - doing maybe three times as much work as I really have to just so I feel needed - but it's sort of how I support myself, these days.

Yeah, I have some issues I need to work through. But I can still offer sympathy, so:

Blake, I'm sorry you didn't get into Yale.