25 IV 2002 - 22:00 - brevis45

10:00 and I will do my homework soon, I promise. I merely wanted to get the last entry off the screen --

I made a tape of Britten and Shostakovich 1-cello for N., a CD of Shostakovich 1, 3, and Babi Yar-c for Al, and a couple of things for K: a CD with Rite of Spring and Firebird on it, and a tape with various Britten and Shostakovich 10. I got a stalk of orchids from N. as well. My mother is coming home tomorrow.

I think that's what I've sort of been dreading. It's not that I don't want her home, and it's not that I don't miss her, but the house has been a quieter place without her. Also, I've been able to stay in the library, which means time to hear myself think, not to mention sun myself in the window. The library is the only warm place in my school.

In case anyone from Alchera reads this, I'm not doing the tenth weekly challenge because I don't particularly want to think about it because it hits too close to home. There's not too much I can say about that, except that I feel that I should feel worse. I wish I could be like my friends who really don't care about cutting class to be with her now, but I'm a good child. Not a good person. The difference keeps making itself clear.

Latin, English essay, Chinese. If I were throwing myself ever-harder into my work I'd feel a little bit better, but my life has gone on as before, and it makes me feel petty somehow. I didn't realize that I was feeling guilty about not having called until she called me. It shouldn't have been so.

I'm not a particuarly good distraction, either.

If the Year of the Horse gets any better, I don't see how we'll live to see the Year of the Ram unscathed.

Take care.