2001-05-21 - 6:03 p.m. - brevis5

"Bereite dich zu leben!" -Mahler

"O glaube: Du wardst nicht umsonst geboren! Hast nicht umsonst gelebt, gelitten!" -Mahler

Mmm. Where to begin today- let's start with music. Music, for me, punctuates the dread silences, which cause me also to walk down the street talking to myself and doing other generally awkward things. I can't stand my own silence. It's odd, that - and it's the rare person who can make me comfortable with myself, even the silences. Keep looking.

Tera. I'm making a mixed tape for her. I don't know what to put on it because it's supposed to be a mixed tape of classical music, and I have 60-minute tapes, and... yes. Bad combination.

No poem for you-all today... I'm tired and in a bit of an awful mood, and my piano teacher goes into surgery tomorrow and my friends tell me not to worry but I DO, dammit, I do... and I don't know how to stop... would be healthier if I did, perhaps, but if I had my druthers a lot of things would be different... and my friends say there would be no next generation.

Have a nice night... come again when I feel slightly more whole and less desperately needy.

J (:>