06 XI 2002 - 22:02 - trivialis52

So I had no school today because the day was set aside for conferences, and so instead of being actually productive I decided to write a few letters (among them a birthday card for my grandmother in Taiwan). Of course since being productive today would have cut deeply into any sense of identity I've built for myself I ended up with a bunch of unfinished letters and the resolution that I was going to finish them somehow, sometime. But I had other things to do, like finishing the physics lab that I can no longer get from my email account because Yahoo! has decided that it doesn't like me (needless to say, it remains unfinished) and choosing things of mine that I've written to submit to the school literary magazine tomorrow (as my writing class requires). I can't choose -- it's all terrible --

On the more amusing side I got out of the house today and had turned to lock the door behind me when I looked more closely at what I was holding in my hand and realized that I'd taken my nail clippers out instead of my keys -- never a good thing. Fortunately there were people still at home who were able to let me in...

Here's a note. If you'd like to sell me the Street Sheet, you will be able to make me feel guilty enough that I do so. However, calling out, 'Damn it, talk to me, Shorty!' as I walk past will NOT get me to like you very much. Nosiree.

Sometimes I wish I were a little more sociable and sometimes I wish I had a bit more courage when it came to asking other people for anything but somehow all that wishing seems to come to nothing and I doubt I've got the will for it, anyway. I'd like to say it's because I'm happy with who I am but quite realistically I'm not and my easiest facility seems to be not only with languages but also with picking myself apart. Oh what fun. I refuse to admit my own fault to myself for long enough to correct it and I hate that.

It sounds so simple -- just change. But what if I find I don't really care to?