2001-05-08 - 9:55 p.m. - tristitia1

I am going to scream. Or maybe I'll cry. I haven't quite decided which yet.

Remember all those chickenshitty entries I've made about how good it would be to know how I did on my competition? Well... boys and girls, it looks as if I don't quite make the cut. I can tell myself that it was my first real performance on piano (which it was - on a weird piano with an odd echo and in front of people I didn't know), that it doesn't matter that much, that I still made progress- but you know what? At the end of the day, I still feel really awful. I want to go huddle in the corner and cry or something. I say nice things to myself all I want but it doesn't make this bitter taste go away...

Why couldn't I have stuck with the cello? No, wait, don't answer that; I wouldn't give up piano for the world. My piano teacher was telling me that, basically, by preparing for this competition I took a running leap and skipped over the intermediate years. Coming from her, the proclamation that I am ready for the easier advanced music is quite a compliment. So there's honey mixed with the dung, but oh how I wish I could have done better.

Got to go cry a bit now.

Cheers,

J